Does it hurt more to heal?

You might be thinking it hurts more to heal, even dangerous because it might turn your life upside down, making your life worse.

So you shove your past very deep into your inner basement and decide not to focus on your deep emotional healing and live a very practical and pragmatic life instead. I was there!

But actually, delaying your emotional healing, closing the doors on therapy, and living without your full emotional spectrum is making you ill and risking your overall health and well being, even if you do medical procedures.

But of course you have been doing your best, in the best way you know how. Unfortunately, your effort to avoid pain by delaying healing might have been keeping you more vulnerable to getting hurt instead. Delaying healing means enabling your traumas to stay longer within you, it is risky, and creates more wounds. 

I used to shove all the trauma and intense emotions to the deepest part of me since I was very young. Very common in my Mexican family and in all Latinx cultures, right? Keeping all that with “aguántate”, “i’ll feel it in the grave” … “que exagerada”

But the thing is that nothing just leaves by itself. We need to move the energy, feel our emotions, and usher those experiences out through a process that transmutes the poisons…

You are either getting the poison out or keeping it inside.

I thought that I could not afford to take the time, that I was selfish and insensitive to the world around me while it was falling apart or going through atrocities-  like right now. I thought “if I focus on my healing and tend to the dark “things” I have stored away, making myself a priority is ego-centric and part of the violent structures. 

I believed that I really needed to focus on changing the world, doing - creating - making good for others, within my communities, and my blood and chosen family.

I remember going far and beyond to help others without helping myself, but the truth is that I was running away from what was really happening to me: I was rotting inside from SO MANY EMOTIONS…and that was scary! (Plus other variables that I could not understand- will be talking about being an internalizer,  hypersensitive and neurodiverse in the future)

 I then learned that neglecting myself was just following the martyr discourse and also wanting to be good, una “niña buena”, I realized it went deep. I was doing the opposite of what I was hoping, to be the change.

I was being a reflection of a society that just buries the pain and hides the unwanted;  like the rivers that became buried sewage canals. We too, must come back and see where we are mimicking distorted ways. We must reclaim, cleanse all our internal rivers.

Plus, I used to think…. “what if I start crying and could not stop in days?” “Or maybe I would start unraveling into a full on psychosis that would last months or years?”  What if I explote. And then I became an Ocean…I was broken open. It does not have to be this way.

You are precious and important! Sacred Mother came through one night when I was very ill and feeling guilty because I was in a cave of healing and my physical conditions were not allowing me to contribute how I used to, I heard her say:

“You are part of the whole you look to serve” 

-Divine Mother

I say it again, you are precious and important! And part of who you look to serve. Plus, the people you serve also deserve someone who can show up fully, healthy, and have the capacity to facilitate healing, instead of someone who’s still abandoning themselves and battling against their own healing.

If you are ready to heal, book a call with me.

There are many people who need your help, so this is also for them. Don’t let those people who need you miss out on the help they could get from you when you SHINE.